The Angry Birds Movie Read online

  CONTENTS

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Epilogue

  Photos Section

  Credits

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Way out in the middle of the calm, clear blue sea you will find Bird Island, home to the Angry Birds. Most of the birds lived in Bird Village. And in one particular home in Bird Village lived the triplet blue birds Jim, Jake, and Jay, along with their parents.

  One evening, the three blue birds were being tucked into their nest by one of Bird Island’s most infamous birds: Red. Red was known as one of the angriest birds on Bird Island. But after some recent events, he’d become one of the island’s biggest heroes. In fact, Red was so well liked that he was the honorary uncle to a lot of the hatchlings in Bird Village, especially the triplets. Because of this, their parents called on Red whenever they had a date night.

  Jim, Jake, and Jay were no exception, and as Red tucked them into their comfy nest, the Blues begged him to tell them a story.

  “Uncle Red,” said Jake, “will you tell us a bedtime story?”

  “Ooh, yes,” said Jay. “Please, Uncle Red!”

  Red cringed a little, then ran a wing through the tuft of feathers on his head. He was still getting the hang of babysitting, and storytelling did not come naturally to him. “Sure thing, fellas. What do you want to hear?”

  “Tell us about the time you saved Bird Island!” shouted Jim. “I love that story!”

  “But you’ve heard it so many times before. Aren’t you tired of it?” asked Red.

  All three birds shouted “NO!” at the same time and started giggling.

  Red sighed, then sat in a chair next to the Blues’ nest.

  “Okay, okay,” he said. “I’ll tell you the story one more time. Ready?”

  The Blues nodded and smiled.

  “Not that long ago, right here on Bird Island, lived a group of cheerful birds. Almost every bird on the island was happy and content. All except one bird . . .”

  Life on Bird Island was always peaceful and happy. How could it not be when the sun was always shining, there was always lots to do and see, and every bird was surrounded by friends and family? They lived on a tropical paradise that was theirs alone. There were no other islands or creatures anywhere in sight. As far as the birds were concerned, the only thing that existed was Bird Island. What else could possibly be out there?! Every bird on Bird Island was perfectly satisfied with island life.

  That is, every bird except Red.

  Red was not a peaceful bird. Red was not a happy bird. He was an Angry Bird.

  Red was angry because none of the other birds were anything but happy. They were happy all the time, no matter what day it was, where they were, or who they were with. This drove Red crazy.

  No bird ever questions anything, he thought. None of the birds does anything but agree to what everyone else says. No bird does anything different! They’re all . . . the same.

  Because Red knew he was different and didn’t like that every other bird was the same, he grew angrier and lonelier as time went on. He did not hang out with the other birds, eat with them, or share in their fun. He even lived apart from the other birds, in an isolated hut on the beach far away from the rest of Bird Village.

  Red also had a bit of a temper. Once, Red got angry at a bird that was standing too close to him in line at the Early Bird Worms shop and almost punched him. Another time he elbowed a mime in the stomach when he disturbed Red while he was reading. Red was known for chasing young birds away from his house when they made too much noise playing outside his beach hut. He even jammed his popcorn bucket on the head of another bird who sneezed on Red at the movies!

  Red felt a little better letting the anger out, but then the yelling would just make him even angrier. Red’s bad attitude made him unpopular with the other birds. They were afraid of his temper and avoided him whenever they could. Plus, the birds were very busy with their families and friends, especially their hatchlings.

  Bird families were extremely proud and protective of their children, especially those who had not yet hatched. They proudly displayed their unhatched eggs for all to see. It seemed to Red that their lives revolved completely around their eggs!

  As much as he didn’t like the fact that all the other birds were the same, Red sometimes wondered what it would be like to have friends. But as long as the other birds remained the same, Red stayed just as he was.

  ANGRY.

  Red’s temper also made it hard for him to keep a job. He was given many chances at many places across Bird Island, but as soon as he got angry, he either quit or was fired. Red was down to his last possible job: a hatchday clown! His job was to deliver hatchday cakes and sing “Happy Hatchday” to young birds all across Bird Island whenever they had a party. This job did not make Red very happy. And, worst of all, he had to wear a costume!

  One morning, he was late for a hatchday party for a young bird named Timothy. Timothy and his parents, Edward and Eva, lived on the far side of Bird Island, which took quite a long time to get to. Even though he left his hut in plenty of time, Red ended up running late. He managed to get caught in a massive spider web, almost fall off a cliff, get smacked in the chest with tree branches, and swing through the dense jungle from vine to vine. And that was all before he slipped and fell and landed in a lake, nearly drowning! With each trip, slip, and crash, the cake Red carried got bumped and squashed. Red was too worried about making it to the party on time to stop and check on the cake.

  After what seemed like hours, Red finally reached the house belonging to Timothy and his parents. He noticed that there was an unhatched egg sitting cozily in its nest on the porch. Great, thought Red. Another bird I’ll eventually have to avoid!

  Red took a moment and looked himself over. He was dirty, wet, and tired, but he had made it. As he brushed himself off and put on his red clown nose and wig, Red hoped Timothy and his parents would appreciate just how much he had gone through to get there. He knocked on the door.

  He expected to be greeted by lots of screaming little birds and the sounds of a party in full swing. Instead, the door opened to complete quiet, and Red looked down to see little Timothy looking sad and disappointed.

  “Ta-da!” said Red. “Happy Hatchday to you!”

  Before Red could get much further, Timothy started screaming. In a panic, Red fumbled for the note he had received about Timothy. Sure enough, written on the note was “Hates clowns.”

  “Oh boy,” sighed Red.

  Timothy’s father, Edward, came to the door when he heard his son scream, and demanded to know where Red had been and why he was over an hour late. When Red tried to explain that he had had to fight his way through the jungle, Edward held up a wing and told Red that he was making excuses. When Red opened the egg containing the cake, he gasped in horror. The cake was completely smashed, and a squirrel had begun eating part of it!

  “This is your fault,” he shouted at Red. “Stop telling tall tales. Just bird up and take responsibility!”

  Red started to get angry. “It wasn’t a story. I almost died!”

  Edward grabbed the hatchday cake from Red and glared at him. “Why don’t we just settle this and say the cake’s on you?”

  Just then, Timothy’s mother, Eva, came outside to see what all the commotion was.

  “What’s going on here?” she screeched, looking at Red and her husband.

  Red’s wings curled into fists
, but he spoke very calmly. “I’m sure you’re not going to like this, but this cake . . . is on YOU!”

  With that, Red smashed the hatchday cake into Edward’s face! Timothy began to cry again as Edward grabbed Red. The two hit the ground with a loud crash. Cake and feathers went flying everywhere. Red landed on something hard that made a cracking noise. When he looked down, he saw that he had landed on the unhatched egg! It had cracked open, and to Red’s horror, a baby bird emerged and smiled at Red.

  “Daddy!” the hatchling said happily.

  Red swallowed his fear and turned to Timothy, Edward, and Eva. He shrugged his shoulders.

  “Uh, congratulations! It’s a boy!”

  When Eva began crying, Red knew that he was in big, big trouble. . . .

  The next day, Red found himself in Bird Court. He would have to answer questions about the hatchday party fiasco. Bird Court sat in the middle of Bird Village and was where birds went whenever they needed to settle a disagreement. Not many birds had disagreements, so having to go to court was a big deal. Red was nervous as Eva began to explain her side of the story.

  To make matters worse, behind Bird Court stood a giant statue of Mighty Eagle, the birds’ hero and protector. Many years ago, Mighty Eagle had saved the birds from an unknown foe, and now he was a legend. Even though he had not been seen in years, every bird was in awe of their brave and mighty hero and savior.

  Judge Peckinpah ran Bird Court. He was a tiny bird who wanted the other birds to think he was large and powerful. Under his flowing judge robes, he stood on top of another bird, Cyrus, so that he could appear taller and more impressive. Even when he was off duty, the judge never appeared anywhere without his robes and without standing on top of Cyrus. Being important—and having every bird think he was important—was Judge Peckinpah’s number one priority. He also liked to hear the sound of his own voice. He could not wait for Eva to finish explaining what had happened at the hatchday party so he could begin grilling Red.

  Red had been listening to Eva for some time now and was getting angry. He wanted to defend himself. He knew that this bird family was out to get him.

  “We were looking forward to a natural hatching, Your Honor,” Eva said dramatically. “There was going to be music and flowers, and the first faces he was going to see were his loving mother’s and father’s.” She looked at Red and narrowed her eyes. “We can never get that moment back!”

  Red sighed, then stood and addressed the court. “Ma’am, I never wanted my face to be the first face your baby saw.” He looked over at the baby bird, which smiled at Red and shouted “Daddy!”

  Red scowled, then continued, “Ladies and gentlemen, am I a passionate person? Yes. Guilty as can be. But I worked very hard to get that cake there on time!” Red pointed at Edward and could barely contain his anger. “And he wouldn’t even try it!”

  As the crowd whispered to each other in shock, Judge Peckinpah banged his gavel on the desk and turned his attention to Red. Red rolled his eyes. He knew that a boring speech was coming.

  “Mr. Red, we are a happy, happy bird community. Under the protection of Mighty Eagle, we work, we play, we laugh, we love. We live our lives free of conflict and strife. So what am I to make of the likes of you?” the judge began. “There seems to be a recurring issue here with you, Mr. Red: anger.”

  “I don’t have an anger issue,” shouted Red. “You do!”

  The judge ignored Red and continued. “Anger is a weed growing in our garden. And what do you do when you find a weed?”

  Red crossed his arms, trying desperately to keep from exploding in anger. “I don’t know, but I bet you’re going to tell me.”

  “You pluck it out!” the judge continued as the court gasped in shock. “Mr. Red, given the severity of the crimes, I have no choice but to impose the maximum penalty allowed by the law.”

  Red’s stomach dropped, and he started to get nervous. He leaned forward to hear what Judge Peckinpah was going to say next.

  “I hereby sentence you to . . . Anger-management Training classes!”

  Red slapped a palm against his face. He couldn’t believe it. Not that. Anything but that. Anger-management Training classes were worse than anything Red could think of. All the anger drained out of him, and he sank down in his chair.

  “Oh no. No no no no no!”

  Red sighed in disappointment as he left Bird Court. Anger-management Training classes! He couldn’t believe it. Red would rather give up his hut! He had no idea what happened in these classes, but he knew enough about the teacher, a white-feathered bird named Matilda. She was one of the perkiest and most annoying birds on the island: Red shuddered as he imagined all the peppy, perky things Matilda made her students do.

  The Infinity Acceptance Center was a place where birds had to go in order to become happier, more relaxed, and stress-free citizens of Bird Island. Judge Peckinpah sent all angry or troubled birds that appeared in his court straight to those classes. With each step, Red was dreading the thought of spending time with Matilda.

  Matilda was a former Angry Bird. But after going through anger-management therapy of her own, she decided to open a place where she could help other birds get rid of their anger. She was cheerful, happy, and positive all the time. Red could not be more different from any other bird on the island.

  As he walked by the Early Bird Worms shop, Red passed the always-happy Stella, who waved at him. “Hey, Red, how are you?”

  “Oh, I’m horrible,” Red said as he passed on by. He walked by lots of other shops, all of which were bustling with happy, cheerful birds. He pushed through happy bird families out for a stroll and a street performer playing a cheerful song. Everywhere he looked, Red saw nothing but happy birds. He ignored them all and kept walking.

  Eventually he came to Matilda’s hut, also known as the Infinity Acceptance Center. Red stared at a silly-looking dummy that swayed in the breeze in front of her hut. It was supposed to look like a bird. Red thought it looked ridiculous. The dummy held several signs that read Be Happy, Smile, and Welcome, Angry Birds! The more Red looked at the dummy, the angrier he got. He tried to calm himself down and took a deep breath. As he walked by the dummy, he gave it a little push.

  The dummy bounced back and hit him on the head. Red snapped. “You think that’s funny, huh?” Red grumbled. “This . . . this is funny!” he shouted as he grabbed the dummy and spun it around. He let go of it, and the dummy went flying. It crashed into Matilda’s hut. Red smiled and dusted off his wings. As he made his way up the steps, he tripped and fell. Red swore he could have heard the dummy laughing at him.

  Red brushed himself off and entered Matilda’s hut. It was filled with posters and statues of smiling birds, hugging birds, and birds in various yoga poses. He spotted a framed picture of Matilda receiving a certificate that was hanging next to the certificate itself, which read “Free-Rage Chicken.”

  “Oh, this is gonna be awful,” he said to himself.

  “Hi there, and welcome to the Infinity Acceptance group” came a voice from behind him. Red turned and stood beak-to-beak with Matilda, who continued talking. “I’m Matilda, and I’m just super-psyched to be taking this journey with you! You’re going to have a blast! I’m really fun. Everybody says that!”

  Matilda grabbed Red’s wing and led him into the next room, where several birds sat on cushions in a circle on the floor. “Hey, guys! Say hello to Red.”

  “Hello, birds I won’t get to know well,” said Red.

  “Hi, Red! I’m Bomb,” said a big black bird with a big smile.

  Before Red could respond, a hyper yellow bird began waving frantically at him.

  “Apparently somebody didn’t get the memo that we like to start on time, because you’re about two minutes late, don’t let it happen again. Hi, my name is Chuck, I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot, I like you a lot, I can tell!”

  Red just stared at Chuck, as he could not believe how fast the yellow bird had talked! Matilda led Red into the circle and
made him sit on a cushion.

  “Now, Red, would you like to share your story with us?” she asked.

  “No, not really,” he replied.

  “The court mentioned something about a rage episode at a child’s hatchday party,” Matilda said.

  Great, thought Red. She knows. “So, how long is this class anyway?” he asked.

  “You are here until I notify the court that your anger issues have been resolved,” said Matilda. When she saw Red’s face fall, she turned to Chuck. “Chuck, why don’t you share your story with Red.”

  Chuck sat up straight and pointed to his chest. “I’m the last guy who should be here. Simple speeding ticket! Judge tells me I was going too fast, so I say, ‘Your Honor, to be honest, I was. You caught me. I’m not angry. I’m honest. So shouldn’t I be in honesty-management class?’”

  Matilda looked at Chuck and shook her head. “That’s a different story from the one you told last time. Why don’t you tell everyone what really happened.”

  “Okay, sure. So, I got pulled over for running through a stop sign, and while I was waiting for that very slow police bird to write me a ticket, I may have run to his office and messed up all his papers and the pictures and diplomas on his wall, then stolen his wallet and treated everyone at the coffee shop, then bought some ice cream, which I . . . accidentally . . . dropped on his face. All while he was still writing me a ticket.”

  Matilda looked at Chuck disapprovingly, but he just shrugged his shoulders.

  “What was I supposed to do? He was taking forever, and I can’t help it if I move really, really, really fast! Like, super-amazingly wonderfully incredibly fast.”

  After Chuck finished, Matilda introduced Red to another bird. A very, very, very large bird with dark-red feathers named Terence.

  Terence just growled at Red in response to being introduced, and Red said, “More like Ter-rifying!”

  As Matilda looked through Terence’s folder, her eyes widened, then she shut the folder quickly. “Terence seems to have had an . . . um . . . incident. Uh, anyway, this is Bomb,” Matilda said, pointing to the black bird who had introduced himself earlier to Red.